Distracted Parenting

Shelbie Fowler, M.S.

                                                                             

Parenting is often described as one of the best, most stressful jobs that a person can take on in this life. While becoming a parent may not always be a decision that is planned, it is an incredible responsibility that comes with a new set of rules, and the need to constantly be “on”. So, what happens when parents go from being ‘on’ top of things, to just being ‘on’ their phone maybe a little too often? 
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The term for this phenomenon is: Distracted Parenting. You may not have heard this term before but I am willing to bet you have seen it. At a restaurant, an entire family on their phones not even making eye contact. At the park when a child is behaving in a way that would likely be corrected if their parent was not on the bench completely immersed in their phone. At an event and that one kid is running out of the door with no adult present and you think “Where is the adult?!”. These situations are too commonplace and have caused concern among pediatricians. 

The American Pediatrics Association recently revealed that more children are being treated for more severe injuries from playground accidents than in the past. They asked why this is occurring when the playground equipment is actually the safest it’s been in decades. The answer they found is Distracted Parenting. Parents were observed at playgrounds where they looked at their phones, talked to each other, and did ‘other things’ more often than they looked at their child. These distracted parents gave their children the perfect opportunity to take risks that could otherwise be prevented such as throwing sand, climbing up the slide, or jumping from large heights. Some children take risks even when the parent is paying attention so it is not hard to imagine what those children do when they realize no one is watching! 

Not only is there potential for physical harm when distracted parenting happens, it can also be emotionally damaging if a child or teen feels that their parent is too busy to talk or participate with them. Too often parents are sharing that perfect Instagram pic of their kid going down the slide rather than going down with them. Too often parents are more interested in posting about their “family” dinner rather than participating in a conversation at the table. Too often it is easier to get distracted by the latest trending Tweets rather than the interests of a child. These actions in place of making eye-contact, engaging in conversation, and actively participating in play can leave a child wondering what they need to do to regain the attention of their parent(s). 

An article on Psychology Today shares that being distracted as a parent is expected to a degree, especially with multiple children in the home and/or with parents working. However, it is the level to which the distraction occurs that matters. Children and teens are not always the most observant but they do become acutely aware when the important people in their lives are not paying attention to their needs physically or emotionally. Those moments when a child fills a disconnect from their caregiver, they will take advantage by testing what they can get away with whether it’s jumping from the highest point of a jungle gym, sneaking out at night, or skipping school among other risky behaviors in the hopes that someone will notice them. 

There will always be some form of distraction in our lives. We will all have a ‘parenting fail’ moment at some point but these should be our moments that illicit changes in our behavior. We can all learn to become less distracted and more active in the lives of our families. We can be better about putting down the phone, shutting down the laptops, and turning off the T.V. in order to engage others in conversation, make eye contact across the table, and have time to play. 

These acts may seem small in nature but they can have long lasting effects on the emotional health of families.This is why I encourage all of us to focus on putting the phone, and any other distracting devices, away for at least an hour (or more) a day in order to fully engage with the people that we interact with on a daily basis. I guarantee that your children, teens, friends, and other family members will notice when you make the effort to give them your undivided attention instead of your distracted attentions. 

If you think you may struggle with being a Distracted Parent, leader, teacher, caregiver; think about your habits and ask yourself these questions: 

• When was the last time you played with your child or teen? 
• What was the last conversation you shared as a family? 
• Ask your child(ren) if they feel you are distracted. (Honesty can go a long way in opening up communication. Respond in kind and avoid responding defensively).
• Think about the last conversation you had with an adult: were they on their phone? Did you make eye contact? Did you feel heard? 
• What makes you feel heard? The same probably applies to the children and teens in your life. Have an open conversation about what listening looks like in different settings. ​