Buysness

Do you ever feel overwhelmingly busy?

Do you ever feel guilty saying no despite already being busy? 
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Something occurred to me recently-we talk about being busy like it’s a badge of honor. The expectation seems to be “If you are not busy, you must not have value as a person.” 

There are seasons of life where it really is inescapable. In some cases, being busy just comes down to having poor boundaries. It can come from an inability to say no and make time for your priorities. We think having time on our hands is some indication of lack in our lives. I’ve noticed more people being involved in various community roles, being more serious about their diet and physical fitness, advocating in their passions, seeing family, seeing the world, and bowing down to a zeitgeist that says if you do not do all these things you are a miserable person. 
Consider these conversations about being busy. Busy with “working all the time”, “taking the kids to their (XYZ)”, “hanging out with (unimportant relationship)”. Riveting, right?

There are very real solutions to these things. If possible, say “no”. If your job overworks you and they will not let you spend appropriate time elsewhere, decide if that particular job is more important than relationships. If you sign up your kids for too many activities, realize the consequences of that. Believe it or not, recent scientific literature suggests kids having time to be bored can be healthy for them emotionally. When it comes to relationships, I think there is a balance. Sometimes you spend time with challenging relationships because that person is struggling. Where I think it is unhealthy is if you genuinely dislike who you are spending time with and spend time without them complaining about them. 

When we take on a manageable load, we produce at a much higher rate. However, when you take on too much, all areas of life can be impacted. You may not be able to put in the energy at work and miss details or run behind on projects. If you volunteer, you might not have enough left in the tank to really meet the population you are trying to serve where they are at. Relationships tend to be put on the backburner because you are exhausted from everything else you are trying to accomplish. 

Social media really just throws fuel on this fire of social comparison. While I’m writing this post, the first three posts on my Facebook feed are about one person being an amazing parent, someone else is in Niagara Falls, and the next is traveling out of town for a speaking engagement. Meanwhile, I’m sitting on my couch while my wife is watching TV. By comparison, it can be easy to feel less than. If I’m honest though, this is one of my favorite days of the week. I don’t want to be doing these things others are doing. It took some effort to structure my life in a way that creates boundaries so I do not feel overrun with being busy. 

I still struggle with this as well. There are times when I am talking with someone and it is easy to feel like I am missing out. There are other times when I talk to people that are incredibly effective, have really healthy relationships, and are totally comfortable delegating tasks or turning down invitations. They, to me, seem to be the most relaxed people I know. 

What I want to make clear is there is a balance. We all have many things that are important to us and some things we cannot take off our plate. If we are intentional and mindful with what we do accept, those things will be more fulfilling. Here are some ideas with how to deny the culture of busyness.

Action Steps:

1. Decide what are priorities and what needs to be removed from your life. A helpful way to look at it: When I look back next year, will I be glad I dedicated time here?
2. Remove those things. Maybe it is people, projects, goals. Make the decision and follow through.
3. This is the hard part. Do NOT immediately fill your free time. That would be counter-intuitive to the primary goal.