 Just the words “Disney princess” brings up all sorts of nostalgic feelings for me. I have been a handful of princesses, currently own the majority of their movies, and several dolls for my daughter. The idea of being a princess has always been an ideal that I have never shied away from. Imagining myself as a princess, in a far away kingdom, awaiting a prince to love….I mean it brings up such positive emotions! I even like the idea of having a cute little critter to talk to about my problems and dreams. So it always saddens me when people go on the attack against Disney princesses.
Everyone has their own opinions about this idea of Disney princesses. I have heard it all: they dress inappropriately, they change for boys, they’re boy obsessed, they’re disobedient, always waiting around for someone else to save them, among many other criticisms. These are my thoughts that I have developed over the years on why I am not just ok with Disney princesses, but why I fully support the enjoyment of all things Disney princess. My first argument to all of the criticism has always been: what’s wrong with a little fantasy? We watch our children grow and learn through the power of play and imagination. So when we take away an innocent idea like Disney princesses, we are actually causing unhealthy ideas about what is inappropriate versus appropriate content. Generations of child researchers have studied how pretending is not only necessary but crucial for children to express themselves. There is nothing wrong with wearing a sparkly dress or a crown while pretending to be a princess. When we criticise our children for what they like or what they want to pretend, we teach them that they are wrong. When we criticise, we teach them they aren’t actually allowed to express themselves in a way that they feel comfortable. We never tell boys they can’t pretend to be knights or kings but we constantly preach that girls shouldn’t want to be a princess or queen. That is what we call a double-standard and I for one am not comfortable with that discrepancy. My second argument for why we should allow Disney princesses to be viewed is because they promote healthy relationships. Hear me out: healthy boundaries and creating lasting relationships is something that most grown adults still struggle with. When I watched the Little Mermaid, I was never distracted by her bikini, I was distracted by how Flounder and Sebastian worked together to try to help her make positive choices. Sure she goes against their wishes, but they continue to support her through the choice she made. When I watch Aladdin, I am not looking at how Jasmine wears a two-piece outfit, I was watching how she made the choice to reject Aladdin after she finds out he lied about who he was. I don’t know about you, but that takes a bold person to tell someone to go away after developing feelings for them. These princesses make decisions and face the consequences, good and bad, for which they take full responsibility. My last argument is for those that complain that princesses wait around for someone to save them. To this I always ask, “Have you ever even watched a Disney movie?” The princesses I know and love have all worked hard to save themselves, their friends, and their family from terrible situations. The majority of the princesses learn how to save themselves on their journeys of self-discovery. Moana, Elsa, Tiana, Pocahontas, Rapunzel, Belle to name just a few, all learn what’s important to them and how to save themselves and the people they care about. Sure there is Snow White and Sleeping Beauty who were cursed and forced to wait for a kiss to awake but they chose to run away from the lives they were living in order to feel free and discover the truth. If I had been lied to and abused for most of my life, I would have run away too! Every time a princess chooses to chase a life where they can dictate the rules, I praise them for being brave enough to journey into the unknown, to take a healthy risk to discover who they are. Without these journeys, they would not discover all that they can achieve alone but also with the people they care about. This may not have changed your mind and you may not agree with my points for why we allow Disney princesses in our home. What I hope is that maybe, you have a new viewpoint, maybe some new ways of viewing some of the beloved stories that are told. As always, what is right for one family is not always right for another. Make the choices that you are most comfortable with but I hope you do so without criticizing the child that shows an interest. We can criticize an ideal or an image but we should never criticize the child.
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 This musical production is fantastic! If you haven't seen it, you should, ASAP!
After watching for the hundredth time, I started to look past the inspiring lyrics, the fabulous costumes, the great choreography into what the storyline and characters are truly about. That is what this post is really about: when you are not distracted by the lights and dynamic scenes, there are some great lessons that we can use to help our kids, teens, and ourselves understand some important life lessons. 1. Diversity This story creates beauty out of many different types of people. Our society is often caught up in their appearances and judge others based on clothes, accessories, or money, without thinking about the person behind the looks. It is easy to be distracted by the outside layer and difficult to not make snap judgements about someone but we miss out on so much when we allow our own prejudices to take over. The Greatest Showman shows how one person being willing to accept those who look different created a family that is able to love and support each other in way their biological families did not. To be an example to others, we have to start by checking our own prejudices and truly consider how we perceive and act around people everyday. 2. Dare to dream Too often it is easy to tell ourselves, and others, that dreams are not possible. We are quick to list all the reasons a dream would be too hard to achieve or list all the obstacles. What would happen if we allowed ourselves the room to truly explore dreams? The Greatest Showman tells a story about a man who went from being broke to making more than enough. It takes hard work, making a plan, and setting goals but it is not impossible to ever achieve creating something out of nothing. We should encourage dreaming big, help others achieve their dreams or give ourselves room to achieve our own dreams. Achieving a dream means nothing if the startup and success goes unsupported or unappreciated by others. Let’s begin to help those in our lives set goals and create the plan that can lead them to seeing that dream actualized. 3. Facing adversity together We have all had those days; those days when it feels like the whole world is against us, when we feel tired, overworked, and unappreciated. Life is is a constant state of change and it is easy to become overly connected to everything that is happening in the world around us. The Greatest Showman created a world where a group of diverse people are not accepted and become ignored by the one person that brought them together. What gets them through their struggle to gain acceptance of themselves and their world, is the support they gain from each other. Sharing the burden by showing up and never wavering, never judging is a way to show our support to anyone who is facing adversity in our world. Now, I know that not everyone has been obsessed with The Greatest Showman the way some of us have been, but we cannot deny that there are lessons that can be shared with our families. I think the point of this film was to share how easy it is to get too caught up in looking a certain way, lose sight of values previously held, and how tempting it is to ignore those who appear too different from ourselves. My hope is that next time you view a film, that you can look past the stage production, past the costumes, and amazing actors to the deeper area behind the characters. Obviously not every film can be taken to deeper places, but if you look for it, you may surprise yourself. Shelbie Fowler, M.S.
 When given the choice between being right and being kind, choose kind.- Dr. Wayne W. Dyer Before the holidays began this year, a new movie called Wonder premiered based on a book of the same title written by R.J. Palacio. This is a story about a middle-school boy named Auggie who has a facial deformity and struggles to learn to trust new friends as he begins his journey in a public school setting. He is bullied, shamed, and loses a bit of his child-like trust on this journey. More importantly though, Wonder reveals through several narrators how one act of kindness by one person can make ripples throughout an entire student population. This story really left me wondering about the way I treated my peers growing up and even now. I have asked myself have I chosen kind over being right? The answer is: not always. R.J. Palacio wrote this story after her own child had an encounter with a girl with a facial deformity and her response was to remove her crying toddler and leave. Since that moment, she has felt guilty and angry about her actions. Why? Because she missed out on an opportunity to show her child how to react in kindness. She missed out on a moment to teach her child that just because someone looks different from us, our first response should never be to run away, even though that is often easier. We should choose kindness even in uncomfortable moments. The interesting part about how she tells the story of Wonder is that it is based on the children’s perspectives. The adults are shown through the eyes of their children which helps us understand a little more about what is being modeled in their homes. The bully in this story is shown with his parents one time and that one moment is enough insight for us to see that he has only be told that he is never good enough. We see how a friend’s home life is nothing but a mother who drinks and is never there to support her. This friend ends up lying all the time and distancing herself from what she sees as a ‘perfect family’. These are teaching moments for how quick we are to judge others, to be right, to justify our actions but we are often slow to choose kindness. Wonder does an excellent job of setting up how our negative reactions can bring another person down. As Auggie (main character) struggles to cope with overtly negative interactions, he becomes distant, sad, and disinterested in things he enjoys. The thing that begins to positively change him slowly is when one person makes a choice to sit with him at lunch. That’s it. One person showed up and started a ripple effect. I know it may seem like a fantastical set up, that only one person can have an impact, but according to relationship experts, multiple positive interactions with one person can actually make up for negative interactions. The magical ratio for positive to negative interactions is 5:1 and was originally developed by John Gottman. This ratio means that for every 1 negative interaction, it takes 5 positive interactions to overcome that 1 negative moment. How powerful is it that to overcome one negative comment we need five positive comments to feel better? Our human nature calls for us to need positive interactions on an emotional, physical, and spiritual level in order to thrive. Otherwise we simply struggle to cope as Auggie does in Wonder. I have no doubt that we can all remember a person who has hurt us and never made up for it in some way, those memories are more prominent because we need positivity to continue on. One moment of kindness changes everything within us. Our children and teenagers are especially primed to be shown how to be kind, what steps it takes to stand up to for themselves or for others, and the majority want to do what is kind but maybe intimidated. There are some simple steps we can all take to make the world a little more kind. One step Wonder talks about is using ‘precepts’ (which are words to live by) they’re kind of like life quotes that reflect a person's values. I think the easiest step to take in making a decision to be kind is to choose our own precept and then encourage teens to find theirs. R.J. Palacio even wrote a companion book to Wonder all about precepts because she believes it is important enough for everyone to understand how our thoughts speak into our words and our words are turned into actions. A second step is simply to model what it looks like to be kind to others. Adults can use uncomfortable moments to act in a kind manner to those who may look different or act differently from themselves. We can do this by starting a conversation, by offering a helping hand, by simply not staring or running away. These acts are simple by definition but can cause major ripples when acted upon. One more thing we can do to choose kind is to be sure that we are speaking kindly of all those in our lives. Words are powerful things that are used to tear people down to nothing or that are used to build people up to their fullest potential. When we actively choose to use kind words on a daily basis, our perceptions can begin to shift to become more positive which leads to more positive interactions. I hope that we all can work on creating those five positive interactions with the people in our lives in order to help them overcome any negative interactions they may have had. It only takes one person creating one interaction to change another person’s life for the better. Let us be the ones to create a more kind world. |
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