 Just the words “Disney princess” brings up all sorts of nostalgic feelings for me. I have been a handful of princesses, currently own the majority of their movies, and several dolls for my daughter. The idea of being a princess has always been an ideal that I have never shied away from. Imagining myself as a princess, in a far away kingdom, awaiting a prince to love….I mean it brings up such positive emotions! I even like the idea of having a cute little critter to talk to about my problems and dreams. So it always saddens me when people go on the attack against Disney princesses.
Everyone has their own opinions about this idea of Disney princesses. I have heard it all: they dress inappropriately, they change for boys, they’re boy obsessed, they’re disobedient, always waiting around for someone else to save them, among many other criticisms. These are my thoughts that I have developed over the years on why I am not just ok with Disney princesses, but why I fully support the enjoyment of all things Disney princess. My first argument to all of the criticism has always been: what’s wrong with a little fantasy? We watch our children grow and learn through the power of play and imagination. So when we take away an innocent idea like Disney princesses, we are actually causing unhealthy ideas about what is inappropriate versus appropriate content. Generations of child researchers have studied how pretending is not only necessary but crucial for children to express themselves. There is nothing wrong with wearing a sparkly dress or a crown while pretending to be a princess. When we criticise our children for what they like or what they want to pretend, we teach them that they are wrong. When we criticise, we teach them they aren’t actually allowed to express themselves in a way that they feel comfortable. We never tell boys they can’t pretend to be knights or kings but we constantly preach that girls shouldn’t want to be a princess or queen. That is what we call a double-standard and I for one am not comfortable with that discrepancy. My second argument for why we should allow Disney princesses to be viewed is because they promote healthy relationships. Hear me out: healthy boundaries and creating lasting relationships is something that most grown adults still struggle with. When I watched the Little Mermaid, I was never distracted by her bikini, I was distracted by how Flounder and Sebastian worked together to try to help her make positive choices. Sure she goes against their wishes, but they continue to support her through the choice she made. When I watch Aladdin, I am not looking at how Jasmine wears a two-piece outfit, I was watching how she made the choice to reject Aladdin after she finds out he lied about who he was. I don’t know about you, but that takes a bold person to tell someone to go away after developing feelings for them. These princesses make decisions and face the consequences, good and bad, for which they take full responsibility. My last argument is for those that complain that princesses wait around for someone to save them. To this I always ask, “Have you ever even watched a Disney movie?” The princesses I know and love have all worked hard to save themselves, their friends, and their family from terrible situations. The majority of the princesses learn how to save themselves on their journeys of self-discovery. Moana, Elsa, Tiana, Pocahontas, Rapunzel, Belle to name just a few, all learn what’s important to them and how to save themselves and the people they care about. Sure there is Snow White and Sleeping Beauty who were cursed and forced to wait for a kiss to awake but they chose to run away from the lives they were living in order to feel free and discover the truth. If I had been lied to and abused for most of my life, I would have run away too! Every time a princess chooses to chase a life where they can dictate the rules, I praise them for being brave enough to journey into the unknown, to take a healthy risk to discover who they are. Without these journeys, they would not discover all that they can achieve alone but also with the people they care about. This may not have changed your mind and you may not agree with my points for why we allow Disney princesses in our home. What I hope is that maybe, you have a new viewpoint, maybe some new ways of viewing some of the beloved stories that are told. As always, what is right for one family is not always right for another. Make the choices that you are most comfortable with but I hope you do so without criticizing the child that shows an interest. We can criticize an ideal or an image but we should never criticize the child.
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Shelbie Fowler, M.S.
 Parenting is often described as one of the best, most stressful jobs that a person can take on in this life. While becoming a parent may not always be a decision that is planned, it is an incredible responsibility that comes with a new set of rules, and the need to constantly be “on”. So, what happens when parents go from being ‘on’ top of things, to just being ‘on’ their phone maybe a little too often?
The term for this phenomenon is: Distracted Parenting. You may not have heard this term before but I am willing to bet you have seen it. At a restaurant, an entire family on their phones not even making eye contact. At the park when a child is behaving in a way that would likely be corrected if their parent was not on the bench completely immersed in their phone. At an event and that one kid is running out of the door with no adult present and you think “Where is the adult?!”. These situations are too commonplace and have caused concern among pediatricians. The American Pediatrics Association recently revealed that more children are being treated for more severe injuries from playground accidents than in the past. They asked why this is occurring when the playground equipment is actually the safest it’s been in decades. The answer they found is Distracted Parenting. Parents were observed at playgrounds where they looked at their phones, talked to each other, and did ‘other things’ more often than they looked at their child. These distracted parents gave their children the perfect opportunity to take risks that could otherwise be prevented such as throwing sand, climbing up the slide, or jumping from large heights. Some children take risks even when the parent is paying attention so it is not hard to imagine what those children do when they realize no one is watching! Not only is there potential for physical harm when distracted parenting happens, it can also be emotionally damaging if a child or teen feels that their parent is too busy to talk or participate with them. Too often parents are sharing that perfect Instagram pic of their kid going down the slide rather than going down with them. Too often parents are more interested in posting about their “family” dinner rather than participating in a conversation at the table. Too often it is easier to get distracted by the latest trending Tweets rather than the interests of a child. These actions in place of making eye-contact, engaging in conversation, and actively participating in play can leave a child wondering what they need to do to regain the attention of their parent(s). An article on Psychology Today shares that being distracted as a parent is expected to a degree, especially with multiple children in the home and/or with parents working. However, it is the level to which the distraction occurs that matters. Children and teens are not always the most observant but they do become acutely aware when the important people in their lives are not paying attention to their needs physically or emotionally. Those moments when a child fills a disconnect from their caregiver, they will take advantage by testing what they can get away with whether it’s jumping from the highest point of a jungle gym, sneaking out at night, or skipping school among other risky behaviors in the hopes that someone will notice them. There will always be some form of distraction in our lives. We will all have a ‘parenting fail’ moment at some point but these should be our moments that illicit changes in our behavior. We can all learn to become less distracted and more active in the lives of our families. We can be better about putting down the phone, shutting down the laptops, and turning off the T.V. in order to engage others in conversation, make eye contact across the table, and have time to play. These acts may seem small in nature but they can have long lasting effects on the emotional health of families.This is why I encourage all of us to focus on putting the phone, and any other distracting devices, away for at least an hour (or more) a day in order to fully engage with the people that we interact with on a daily basis. I guarantee that your children, teens, friends, and other family members will notice when you make the effort to give them your undivided attention instead of your distracted attentions. If you think you may struggle with being a Distracted Parent, leader, teacher, caregiver; think about your habits and ask yourself these questions:
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