The Power in Your Words

      I have a habit that I have had for almost as long as I can remember. I would use it before a game against a fierce competitor back in the day, I would use it before tests in college, before testing a one rep max in the gym, before a job interview, and before asking my father-in-law if I could marry his daughter. Simply put, I talk to myself. It is a little more than that though. More accurately, I have an inner hype-man that believes I can do anything. You have inner thoughts though-everyone does. This is just using them to your advantage. 

       Imagine all of these examples if I allowed my inner thoughts to run the show. “They won’t hire you-there is always a better candidate”; “You are not going to be able to squat that”; “Why would he let you marry his daughter”. Many of us would not keep friends around that talked to us the way we talk to ourselves, but we allow ourselves to continue to beat us into submission. These negative thoughts do not just impact areas that we want to perform well, but also our day-to-day activities and our overall outlook on life.

      Does this really matter though? How can our thoughts change how we perform or how we feel? Gary Mack, author of Mind Gym, says “Others can help motivate you, but basically it must come from you…”  There is so much power in how we treat ourselves mentally. Will it give you the results you want every single time? No. However, it can put you in a better headspace to compete in some cases. In other cases, it can help us be less critical in failure.

       This concept is not about feeling overly optimistic and things always working out in your favor. Consider this. If what I am saying is true, that if you think negatively you can set yourself back, could the results you are getting be due to the fact you do not expect things to work out in the first place? In psychology, we call this a self-fulfilling prophecy. It can feel easier to just assume failure rather than allowing yourself to hope. 
Wherever you land in this regard, give these things a try and see where it gets you. 

Utilize positive self-talk

This can include a range of positivity. This can be anything from “I passed my last test. I prepared and attended all the classes. I can do this.” to “I’m going to destroy this test. This is just a small barrier in my path to greatness and I am going to obliterate it.” What would you want people to say to you to encourage you? What types of things would you say to friends to encourage them? 

Deconstruct negative thoughts

Want to know something every human from the beginning of time until the end of time will have in common? We will have a thought that is not true. What can we do about it? Challenge our thoughts. If you do this with your positive thoughts, try it with negative thoughts as well. Take note of things like using the word “always” and “never”. Take note when you make large assumptions about people's motives. For example, you text a friend and do not hear back. You might have the immediate thought “They must have ignored me. They don’t like me.” On the one hand, sure. That is not completely out of the realm of possibility. However, what if your text failed? What if they saw it while they were driving, planned to respond when they got to their destination, and forgot by the time they got there? What if they were having a really bad day themselves and did not feel like talking to anyone? You get the picture. Just take time to challenge your thoughts. 

Accept compliments

If someone says something nice to you, do not argue with them. Just appreciate what they are seeing in you and sharing with you. This is something I have a unique experience with as a counselor. I am constantly seeing growth in people that they are not giving themselves credit for. Part of what I do is call that out of them and celebrate it with them.