This is a hard position to be in. There can be a variety of reasons why a spouse doesn't want to seek professional help. The most common reasons are they believe their issue isn't serious enough for intervention and if they seek a therapist and it doesn't get better that could mean doom. That would be a scary thought. 

Sometimes they believe their partner has the problem and they should just do individual counseling. Many people don't recognize the way they impact their spouse and how their spouse impacts them. This is where EFT is tremendously helpful. 

Lastly, sometimes people are concerned they are going to be ganged up on by the therapist. Why would I want to pay someone to tell me I should have listened to my spouse the whole time?

Many of these are based in things that have or even could happen in the wrong therapy or with the wrong therapist. That's why I offer a free consultation before we start any paperwork or scheduling. I get to tell people about the 4 decades of research showing the effectiveness of EFT and why it works is because couples learn how to navigate their differences in real time rather than being given homework the forget to do. And if you want to ask about how your friend went to therapy and the therapist attacked him, you can ask stuff like that and feel confidence in what you are getting in to (which is not being attacked).

Consultations are an opportunity for you to make sure you feel your therapist can help you with the issues you want to address and ask about how they work and what to expect. If your spouse won't do therapy yet, see if they will do a consultation. Even a 20-minute phone call could bring clarity. 

Call or text today for a free consultation. 817-707-0772

The gender of your therapist really depends on your own comfort and goals, typically. For some people who have experienced abuse from a certain type of person it could be best to find someone that doesn't automatically press those buttons. That being said, I have had women abused by men that specifically sought out a man to work with because they saw it as part of the healing process and it worked really well. I've also been cussed out in the second session by someone who tried that approach and was immediately overwhelmed by it. I've had men that felt especially understood by me when they have struggled with female therapists before. I've had men with stoic dads that couldn't imagine being open about emotions with men. Take the time to consider how you might be able to respond depending on the gender of your therapist.

There are certainly some benefits to men working with men though.

• Shared understanding of the burdens and responsibilities of being a man
  
• Personal understanding of the specific experiences of men
• Understanding of the common emotional regulation strategies that typically differ from women
• Easier to open up with another man
• Having an example of a man engaging emotions in a healthy way

When it comes down to it, find the therapist you will see. If you try to see a man or a woman to push yourself and simply cannot force yourself to actually show up you lose the benefit of utilizing that aspect of your choice. 

We are more than happy to have a free consultation to discuss any questions or concerns you might have prior to therapy. Reach out today to just begin the conversation and if we are not a good fit we can help point you in a direction that might be better. Call now-817-707-0772

Considering marriage therapy but not sure if it's worth the price tag? You're not alone. When it comes to marriage therapy-you get what you pay for. Here are just a few ways marriage therapy has a financial benefit.

• Outcome research shows people who successfully complete marriage therapy continue to get better afterwards. That means you pay for it, and you don't just pay to go back a couple years later.
• Couples who demonstrate secure attachment tend to regulate more effectively and pay less in medical treatment than those who are in a distressed relationship.
• Couples with a secure attachment are more effective at navigating financial planning, making financial decisions together, and dealing with financial crisis.
• Have you ever made a poor financial choice because its easier than arguing? These not only tend to be terrible decisions financially, but also lead to resentment in the relationship.
• Children can be expensive, but they are unnecessarily expensive when you and your spouse are not on the same page about what you pay for and when you say no.
• Perhaps the most obvious financial impact is divorce is exponentially more costly than good marriage therapy (this isn't even considering the residual financial impacts of divorce or the emotional toll on yourself, children, and fractured family and/or friend relationships. The overall cost is incalculably destructive.)

Your concern is a good one because not all marriage therapy is the same. However, GOOD marriage therapy-specialized marriage therapy, is worth it. Call or text today for a free consultation at 817-707-0772.

EMDR Therapy, the gold-standard in trauma therapy with over 40 years of data showing its effectiveness, is broken into 8 phases. Phase 1 is the history taking. This is where your therapist is coming to know and understand you as a person, your background, your current life, your culture, as well as the traumatic background. Phase 2 is the preparation phase where you learn coping skills to use temporarily as you move through the process of dealing with your trauma. I actually weave these two together, so as you share your background you are equipped to calm your self if needed. Phase 3 is where you begin assessing whichever memory will be addressed first.

This is one of several ways where EMDR differs greatly. For Phase 3 and even Phase 1, you don't need to get into a lot of detail about the trauma itself. In Phase 1, I tell people "Its like we're making a list of movie titles-you don't need to describe the plot." This helps keep the body in its window of tolerance. In the assessment phase all you are giving is an image, an emotion, a thought about yourself, any body reaction you notice (some don't), and rating your distress. 

From there you move into Phase 4 known as Desensitization. This is where you are actually processing the memory utilizing a very similar function that actually happens when you are sleeping, known as REM sleep. We move through this process until the distress comes down-many times to 0 but in some cases to a 1 or 2. Next is replacing the negative thought you started with with a more adaptive thought. As an example, you might start with the thought "I'm in danger" and replace it with "I'm not in danger anymore". This is due to the fact that when we are having true trauma responses our body and mind is reacting like we are in the same situation we were previously. 

Once this occurs you do a body scan, Phase 6, to ensure there is no tension related to the memory anywhere. Phase 7, closure, is just about bringing your body back to baseline and then Phase 8, Reevaluation, occurs at the start of the next session to ensure the distress remained low. In single event traumas this process can realistically be completed in 4 sessions. Complex trauma can also be addressed using this approach. Once a memory is processed, you start back at Phase 3 and repeat the process until all memories are addressed. 

If you've tried EMDR before and have not had success, give us a call. If you have had trauma therapy and still struggle, give us a call today at 817-707-0772. 

Do men need therapy? Does therapy really help men? 

It depends. The type of therapy and the style are important. Men don't function the way women do. When you look historically, women have been the primary recipients of therapy. Even more recently, there are claims that there's no difference in men and women. This typically leaves men frustrated with therapy. They go to therapy, have a bad experience, then commonly land thinking "Therapy just doesn't work" or "There's no help for me". 

Therapy does work for men. We need the right kind though. Men are not immune to experiencing terrible things they can't make sense of, or depression, or anger that just seems to rule your life. We're not immune to broken relationships or learning to numb pain. We just find ways to put our head down and keep going. 

If you are ready for things to be different, reach out for a consultation today by calling or texting 817-707-0772. Don't wait until the house has burned down to call the fire department. Deal with the problem now. 

A common symptom around diagnoseable clinical anxiety is rumination-thinking about something for extended periods of time with it impacting the way you are able to live your life effectively. This is one symptom of a larger experience. People get so focused on something and the possibilities of outcomes or possibilities of impact of the past that they are not able to just live. In order to help people with this rumination, the mental health industry has published an endless amount of books, podcasts, articles, and seminars to help people think about not thinking about their anxiety. Interesting approach. 

Many times, people have anxiety around things that have happened before. Good therapy helps you move through this. I was rear-ended a few years ago at a red light and for several months after that I would get really anxious for a flash if I saw someone approaching quickly in my rearview mirror. It was real anxiety based on a real everyday possibility that had really occurred. Good therapy helps you identify things like this and put them where they belong. Bad therapy causes you to unnecessarily ruminate even more. 

Functional anxiety helps you have an appropriate level of stress to do something. You need to realize its functional though. If we think every glimpse of anxiety must mean there's an issue we get stuck on the wrong goal. So there is some discernment involved. We need to consider why the anxiety is there and what you need to do about it. Maybe you feel anxious about a conversation you need to have and you don't need to find a way to cope with the anxiety but you need to have the conversation. Doing is a great way to deal with distress. 

If you have trouble discerning what is anxiety that needs to be dealt with compared to what anxiety is good and functional reach out to us today for a free consultation.

Any parent has been there. You're in a public place and your kid does something that if an adult did it to another adult there would be a real problem. So you, like a good friend, perk up. "Do they need my help? I better go check." And you intervene. Add to that the looks of shame from seemingly everyone around you. It must make you a bad parent if you DON'T do anything...right?

Most people can recall a moment of social embarrassment. Maybe you shared a joke or a story that didn't land well. Maybe you moved to Texas and called soda "pop". Maybe you showed up to someone's house and seemed to ignore a social norm everyone else seemed to understand without explanation. How did you get through it? Sometimes we learn from picking up cues-the stares or awkward laughter let us now we don't joke like that here. Maybe we ask a friend if there's something we missed. Maybe the table laughs at us when we say "pop". In some cases, someone might come along side us and let us know our misstep. Whatever the case, it tends to be a lasting moment for us because we had to sort it out. 

Kids desperately need to sort out the social cues. They do this by having moments of social failure where they have to figure it out. This could be anything from taking something that isn't theirs, having their own toy taken, or a little physical jostling. Instinct, and societal pressure, say to jump in. Use discernment of course, but next time maybe take a beat and see what happens. 

Does this seem impossible? Contact us for help in navigating your own anxiety or what might seem like more complicated situations with your kiddos.

Therapy is often talked about as a place to work through big problems—anxiety, stress, grief, or major life changes. But many people are surprised to discover that some of the most meaningful benefits of therapy have little to do with the original reason they walked in.
One unexpected benefit is learning how to understand yourself better. Therapy helps you notice patterns in your thoughts, emotions, and reactions that you may never have questioned before. Over time, you start to recognize why certain situations feel overwhelming or why the same conflicts keep repeating. That self-awareness can make everyday decisions feel clearer and more intentional.
Another surprise is how therapy can improve relationships. Even when you’re not talking directly about friends or family, therapy often strengthens communication skills. You learn how to express needs, set boundaries, and listen without immediately becoming defensive. These skills tend to spill over into friendships, school, work, and family life in ways that feel subtle but powerful.
Many people are also surprised by the confidence boost therapy can bring. As you practice speaking honestly, it becomes easier to understand and discern your own feelings and opinions. This can lead to stronger self-respect and a greater sense of independence.
Finally, therapy often teaches practical life skills that aren’t always taught elsewhere—how to manage stress, handle uncertainty, and be kinder to yourself during mistakes. Instead of aiming to “fix” everything, therapy helps you build tools to handle whatever comes next.
In the end, therapy isn’t just about solving problems. It’s about growing skills, insight, and resilience that quietly improve many parts of life—often in ways you never expected.

One of my favorite reads this year was a book called Amusing Ourselves To Death by Neil Postman. He wrote it discussing two books concerning what the future would look like-one proposing over control by governmental bodies and another where people are so distracted there's no need for control. He wrote it around the time the television was first introduced and observed the impact it was having on the culture at large. This set up is getting away from me, but I just really loved the book. 

The much smaller point I'm intending to make is he had a chapter titled "Now This..." and described the nature of the news reporting something terrible and simply moving on to what was next-at times cheerful or entertaining news. He made some really interesting points at the impact of this type of presentation. This type of exposure left people feeling helpless to really take any kind of action in bad situations. Bad things happen. Ignore it. Move on. We have, unfortunately, taken this strategy in life and smaller day to day things. Life seems to just happen at us and we bear down and try to make the best of it. 

If this is you, what if you take some time to reflect on your year in these last few days of the year. Really reflect. What has worked? What hasn't worked? What do you value but don't put enough time into? What do you waste time on? What do you put time into out of habit, but it doesn't fit your life right now? Don't let life throw you around. Take the time to reflect, consider, and plan. See what happens.

Also, check out Amusing Ourselves to Death. It's really good.

In 1965, there was a case study done to look at the effectiveness in styles of therapy. Two incredibly influential clinicians had a session with a woman named Gloria and she provided feedback on her experiences. She reported one of them being far more helpful, but not really enjoying her conversation with him. He had a more direct analytical style and was certainly a more sharp personality. She reported her experience with the other clinician as not being very helpful, but liking him a lot more. This man was named Carl Rogers and his primary view of counseling is if you understand people well they can change on their own. Gloria left feeling understood by Carl, but just as lost as she was when she first met him. 

Carl was coming from the post modern philosophical era that began around the 1950s and is considered to have ended by the turn of the millennium, but still has a significant impact on our world and our thinking. Some key ideas of this era is a skepticism towards truth, or the idea of truth being relevant to the individual. The result of this is clinicians used to have helpful viewpoints and their education equipped them to help you see and change things about your life. But many clinicians have been influenced by this era of thinking. So they can see you drowning but think the way to help you is not help you understand you're drowning. Because if you don't feel like you're drowning, that could be harmful. Any guesses what the result of trusting a drowning person when they say they're fine?

At Fowler Family Therapy, we believe truth exists. We believe clinicians are trained and equipped to help people improve their lives. This is probably why we have a really high percentage of clients that 1) finish therapy faster than normal 2) report a significant reduction of symptoms if not complete removal of them and 3) other parts of their lives improving where they didn't expect therapy to have an influence. 

Post-modernism is stupid. It has a distorted view of love, wellness, and humanity. Expertise still exists and real help still exists. Contact us today for real help.