EMDR Therapy, the gold-standard in trauma therapy with over 40 years of data showing its effectiveness, is broken into 8 phases. Phase 1 is the history taking. This is where your therapist is coming to know and understand you as a person, your background, your current life, your culture, as well as the traumatic background. Phase 2 is the preparation phase where you learn coping skills to use temporarily as you move through the process of dealing with your trauma. I actually weave these two together, so as you share your background you are equipped to calm your self if needed. Phase 3 is where you begin assessing whichever memory will be addressed first.

This is one of several ways where EMDR differs greatly. For Phase 3 and even Phase 1, you don't need to get into a lot of detail about the trauma itself. In Phase 1, I tell people "Its like we're making a list of movie titles-you don't need to describe the plot." This helps keep the body in its window of tolerance. In the assessment phase all you are giving is an image, an emotion, a thought about yourself, any body reaction you notice (some don't), and rating your distress. 

From there you move into Phase 4 known as Desensitization. This is where you are actually processing the memory utilizing a very similar function that actually happens when you are sleeping, known as REM sleep. We move through this process until the distress comes down-many times to 0 but in some cases to a 1 or 2. Next is replacing the negative thought you started with with a more adaptive thought. As an example, you might start with the thought "I'm in danger" and replace it with "I'm not in danger anymore". This is due to the fact that when we are having true trauma responses our body and mind is reacting like we are in the same situation we were previously. 

Once this occurs you do a body scan, Phase 6, to ensure there is no tension related to the memory anywhere. Phase 7, closure, is just about bringing your body back to baseline and then Phase 8, Reevaluation, occurs at the start of the next session to ensure the distress remained low. In single event traumas this process can realistically be completed in 4 sessions. Complex trauma can also be addressed using this approach. Once a memory is processed, you start back at Phase 3 and repeat the process until all memories are addressed. 

If you've tried EMDR before and have not had success, give us a call. If you have had trauma therapy and still struggle, give us a call today at 817-707-0772. 

Do men need therapy? Does therapy really help men? 

It depends. The type of therapy and the style are important. Men don't function the way women do. When you look historically, women have been the primary recipients of therapy. Even more recently, there are claims that there's no difference in men and women. This typically leaves men frustrated with therapy. They go to therapy, have a bad experience, then commonly land thinking "Therapy just doesn't work" or "There's no help for me". 

Therapy does work for men. We need the right kind though. Men are not immune to experiencing terrible things they can't make sense of, or depression, or anger that just seems to rule your life. We're not immune to broken relationships or learning to numb pain. We just find ways to put our head down and keep going. 

If you are ready for things to be different, reach out for a consultation today by calling or texting 817-707-0772. Don't wait until the house has burned down to call the fire department. Deal with the problem now. 

A common symptom around diagnoseable clinical anxiety is rumination-thinking about something for extended periods of time with it impacting the way you are able to live your life effectively. This is one symptom of a larger experience. People get so focused on something and the possibilities of outcomes or possibilities of impact of the past that they are not able to just live. In order to help people with this rumination, the mental health industry has published an endless amount of books, podcasts, articles, and seminars to help people think about not thinking about their anxiety. Interesting approach. 

Many times, people have anxiety around things that have happened before. Good therapy helps you move through this. I was rear-ended a few years ago at a red light and for several months after that I would get really anxious for a flash if I saw someone approaching quickly in my rearview mirror. It was real anxiety based on a real everyday possibility that had really occurred. Good therapy helps you identify things like this and put them where they belong. Bad therapy causes you to unnecessarily ruminate even more. 

Functional anxiety helps you have an appropriate level of stress to do something. You need to realize its functional though. If we think every glimpse of anxiety must mean there's an issue we get stuck on the wrong goal. So there is some discernment involved. We need to consider why the anxiety is there and what you need to do about it. Maybe you feel anxious about a conversation you need to have and you don't need to find a way to cope with the anxiety but you need to have the conversation. Doing is a great way to deal with distress. 

If you have trouble discerning what is anxiety that needs to be dealt with compared to what anxiety is good and functional reach out to us today for a free consultation.

Any parent has been there. You're in a public place and your kid does something that if an adult did it to another adult there would be a real problem. So you, like a good friend, perk up. "Do they need my help? I better go check." And you intervene. Add to that the looks of shame from seemingly everyone around you. It must make you a bad parent if you DON'T do anything...right?

Most people can recall a moment of social embarrassment. Maybe you shared a joke or a story that didn't land well. Maybe you moved to Texas and called soda "pop". Maybe you showed up to someone's house and seemed to ignore a social norm everyone else seemed to understand without explanation. How did you get through it? Sometimes we learn from picking up cues-the stares or awkward laughter let us now we don't joke like that here. Maybe we ask a friend if there's something we missed. Maybe the table laughs at us when we say "pop". In some cases, someone might come along side us and let us know our misstep. Whatever the case, it tends to be a lasting moment for us because we had to sort it out. 

Kids desperately need to sort out the social cues. They do this by having moments of social failure where they have to figure it out. This could be anything from taking something that isn't theirs, having their own toy taken, or a little physical jostling. Instinct, and societal pressure, say to jump in. Use discernment of course, but next time maybe take a beat and see what happens. 

Does this seem impossible? Contact us for help in navigating your own anxiety or what might seem like more complicated situations with your kiddos.

Therapy is often talked about as a place to work through big problems—anxiety, stress, grief, or major life changes. But many people are surprised to discover that some of the most meaningful benefits of therapy have little to do with the original reason they walked in.
One unexpected benefit is learning how to understand yourself better. Therapy helps you notice patterns in your thoughts, emotions, and reactions that you may never have questioned before. Over time, you start to recognize why certain situations feel overwhelming or why the same conflicts keep repeating. That self-awareness can make everyday decisions feel clearer and more intentional.
Another surprise is how therapy can improve relationships. Even when you’re not talking directly about friends or family, therapy often strengthens communication skills. You learn how to express needs, set boundaries, and listen without immediately becoming defensive. These skills tend to spill over into friendships, school, work, and family life in ways that feel subtle but powerful.
Many people are also surprised by the confidence boost therapy can bring. As you practice speaking honestly, it becomes easier to understand and discern your own feelings and opinions. This can lead to stronger self-respect and a greater sense of independence.
Finally, therapy often teaches practical life skills that aren’t always taught elsewhere—how to manage stress, handle uncertainty, and be kinder to yourself during mistakes. Instead of aiming to “fix” everything, therapy helps you build tools to handle whatever comes next.
In the end, therapy isn’t just about solving problems. It’s about growing skills, insight, and resilience that quietly improve many parts of life—often in ways you never expected.

One of my favorite reads this year was a book called Amusing Ourselves To Death by Neil Postman. He wrote it discussing two books concerning what the future would look like-one proposing over control by governmental bodies and another where people are so distracted there's no need for control. He wrote it around the time the television was first introduced and observed the impact it was having on the culture at large. This set up is getting away from me, but I just really loved the book. 

The much smaller point I'm intending to make is he had a chapter titled "Now This..." and described the nature of the news reporting something terrible and simply moving on to what was next-at times cheerful or entertaining news. He made some really interesting points at the impact of this type of presentation. This type of exposure left people feeling helpless to really take any kind of action in bad situations. Bad things happen. Ignore it. Move on. We have, unfortunately, taken this strategy in life and smaller day to day things. Life seems to just happen at us and we bear down and try to make the best of it. 

If this is you, what if you take some time to reflect on your year in these last few days of the year. Really reflect. What has worked? What hasn't worked? What do you value but don't put enough time into? What do you waste time on? What do you put time into out of habit, but it doesn't fit your life right now? Don't let life throw you around. Take the time to reflect, consider, and plan. See what happens.

Also, check out Amusing Ourselves to Death. It's really good.

In 1965, there was a case study done to look at the effectiveness in styles of therapy. Two incredibly influential clinicians had a session with a woman named Gloria and she provided feedback on her experiences. She reported one of them being far more helpful, but not really enjoying her conversation with him. He had a more direct analytical style and was certainly a more sharp personality. She reported her experience with the other clinician as not being very helpful, but liking him a lot more. This man was named Carl Rogers and his primary view of counseling is if you understand people well they can change on their own. Gloria left feeling understood by Carl, but just as lost as she was when she first met him. 

Carl was coming from the post modern philosophical era that began around the 1950s and is considered to have ended by the turn of the millennium, but still has a significant impact on our world and our thinking. Some key ideas of this era is a skepticism towards truth, or the idea of truth being relevant to the individual. The result of this is clinicians used to have helpful viewpoints and their education equipped them to help you see and change things about your life. But many clinicians have been influenced by this era of thinking. So they can see you drowning but think the way to help you is not help you understand you're drowning. Because if you don't feel like you're drowning, that could be harmful. Any guesses what the result of trusting a drowning person when they say they're fine?

At Fowler Family Therapy, we believe truth exists. We believe clinicians are trained and equipped to help people improve their lives. This is probably why we have a really high percentage of clients that 1) finish therapy faster than normal 2) report a significant reduction of symptoms if not complete removal of them and 3) other parts of their lives improving where they didn't expect therapy to have an influence. 

Post-modernism is stupid. It has a distorted view of love, wellness, and humanity. Expertise still exists and real help still exists. Contact us today for real help. 

Every year families reconvene around the dinner table to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas. And every year people are trying to figure out how to deal with all the issues that come up during the year that are then ignored or come out at really difficult times with their family members. This tension inevitably spills into marriages and couples go from being upset with in-laws to blaming each other for unmet expectations. 

John Gottman says a healthy relationship feels like a port in a storm. Everything around you can feel chaotic and challenging, but when you have your person, you can find refuge in that. 

Before you go wherever you're going this holiday, sit down with your spouse and talk about what support would be like for you. Talk explicitly and in positive terms. Telling someone what NOT to do is rarely helpful. Be clear about what you want to do. As an example...

 Unclear: "Don't just leave me alone with your family."

Clear: "When you give me a good long hug and tell me "I've got you." I know we're in this together. Can you remind me of that?"

Families are hard. Always and for many people. If this feels like an impossible task, reach out to us for a free consultation today.

There's a marital researcher, John Gottman, who has had a tremendous impact on the field of marriage therapy. Through longitudinal research (research done over an extended period of time rather than in one moment of time) he has compiled 7 different things that happy couples do. One of those is they regularly express appreciation to each other. 

Have you ever had a boss that would commend your work? It might seem like I silly thing. If I am paid to do a job maybe I should just expect the paycheck to be enough, but when someone takes time to say "Hey. You put in a lot of effort on that project. Thanks for doing that." it can go a really long way. 

In marriage, we can get so used to the things our partner does and so focused on the things we do or need to do we might move too fast to let them know the things we appreciate about them. Consider for a moment-what would it be like if your partner expressed appreciation for the things you already do and feel go unnoticed? Now consider what it would be like for your partner if you expressed genuine appreciation for things that they do? Or for character traits they hold? 

Here's the encouraging thing. We impact the people around us. It can start with you. Be more intentional about letting the people in your home know the ways you appreciate them. See if that doesn't create a culture of appreciation in your home. 

If this is more complicated than it seems like it should be, sometimes that's because it is. Contact us for a free consultation if this feels like an unattainable goal in your home right now. 

It's summer. You and your friends are too young for jobs, too young to drive, and no where to go anyway. Who are these friends? The friends who happen to live within walking or biking distance. You cycle through various activities. You meet at each others house to play video games. You ride bikes through the neighborhood. You play hours of basketball. You sit around in your friends driveway. And when the streetlights come on, you go home. You eat dinner, go into your room, turn on your game console, and call the person you just spent all day with. And the same conversation about nothing continues. 30 years later, every time you talk, it comes up. How good those days were. 

The invention and progression of technology has been, to be frank, insane in the past 3 decades. A lot of it has been good. But I'm often grieved-I'm at a restaurant and see a group of 3 friends all sitting silently on their phones laughing to themselves, by themselves. Or a couple where one looks at the top of the head of their partner who is mindlessly scrolling and tossing out unconvincing affirmatives as if a dialogue is happening. Or the kid desperately trying to get the attention of the parent who insists "I hear you" without making any eye contact. I'm grieved and I wonder "What are we doing to ourselves?"

​A particular experience I think we've lost is being bored around each other. Those conversations when you were a kid without phone happened from something that happened or an idea that entered your mind from the aimlessness of your moment. The conversations that can happen from being lost in thought and asking the person next to you about what they think seem to be lost. Even if you try, the person next to you would need to be engaged. What we get now seems to be annoyance at the lack of direction or even purpose of the question. 

More and more, there are resources trying to help people disconnect so they can reconnect. This impacts focus and levels of anxiety to be sure. As a therapist that specializes in relationships though, I'm confident finding ways to reduce technology use in your home and in your family will have impacts that might not even be able to measured. 

Have you tried and failed to make these changes on your own? Contact us today for a free consultation.