Relationship Agreements

We know that every relationship looks different because every person is different with their own set of values and boundaries. This is why relationships can be so eye-opening because we all have our own personal agendas when entering into a relationship. 

An interesting topic that has been trending is one of Relationship Agreements or Relationship Contracts. This a type of legal document that two people can agree on before entering into a significant relationship or even marriage. The famous Mark Zuckerburg reportedly has a Relationship Contract based upon a request from his wife detailing what she should expect after she moved across the country to be with him. Apparently this is quite the trend in Europe and for people over the age of 45 who have been divorced. 

The idea of a ‘Relationship Contract’ sounds a little ridiculous. Wouldn’t two people be able to just talk about what matters? Do two people really need to have a physical document stating expectations? 

The answer I have found is: maybe. My husband and I have a few things that we have verbally agreed to before and after our marriage ceremony. We have things that we both value that we want to ensure we continue to have throughout our relationship. For some people, maybe a verbal agreement isn’t enough. Maybe having a physical representation of agreed upon ideals is needed to keep the relationship healthy. 

These are the things that my husband and I have come to agree upon for our relationship. Like I stated earlier, each relationship is unique with its own shared values and ideals. These are just a few things that work for my relationship which may or not work for yours as well. 

Agreements

We do not see divorce as an answer to our problems. This is a sensitive subject for a lot of people and we are not judging anyone who has taken the course of divorce. My husband and I believe there is a time when divorce may be the only answer for some people. However divorce should not be the answer to trivial unhappiness. There is usually a way to work through the daily stuff in order to remain good enough together. The effect of us never ending an argument with the threat of leaving helps us fight for a better relationship. 

We do not bad mouth each other, this includes complaining. Media portrays serious relationships as something that people are never fully satisfied in. We all have our quirks that our SO (significant other) puts up with, we all get mad, or upset over things he/she does. But here’s the thing: complaining about these things, bad mouthing your SO in public, will never help! Once you begin having that ‘complaint session’ with other people, that little irritation is fed and all of a sudden, you have lost control of the situation. 

We do promise to always have a date night. Now people hear ‘date night’ and think: “we have kids”, “who has money for that”, or “who has time for that”. When it comes to ‘date night’ what we strive for is intentional time together; meaning no technology, just the two of us doing something. We play games, eat a meal, have coffee, literally any time spent away from technology can do a relationship wonders. We have recently discovered ‘Happily: Date Night Boxes’ which have been an easy way for us to spend time together (especially with us not wanting to go out during a pandemic). Look for our post on reviewing our date night boxes! 

We do promise to support each other in all that we do. My husband and I both worked full time and attended online graduate programs for the first three years of our marriage. It was not easy and it was not always pretty. The struggle was real, the tears, the heartache, the constant state of frenzy was something that we struggled through together. The unconditional support we share has impacted our relationship for the better. Without supporting each other, this ship would have sank in that first year of marriage.  
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So, when you consider your relationships (current or future), we hope that you can keep these things in mind. Our relationships are choices we make and things that we have some control over. Every relationship requires work, commitment, and agreement on what is allowed by both people involved. Relationships are never perfect, we will never be perfect but we can work on being good enough for each other.